Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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