I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
