Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
only if we run a train.
done.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
