I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
