too bad you live with your parents still
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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