finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
