Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
