What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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