god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
