I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
