Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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