Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
