I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
