I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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