Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
