What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
