Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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