I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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