how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
