yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
