mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
