He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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