They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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