I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
