Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
