I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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