either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
