He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
