can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
