Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
