it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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