but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
