I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm like, not good at living.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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