I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
