Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
