saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I am midnight drunk by noon
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
