The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
