Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
