it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize