halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
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