Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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