I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
