; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
