I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
