Is it normal to miss your booty call?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
