Me too!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
