If i come over, it means nothing
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
