He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Vodka?
Forever.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
