I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Randomize
