Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
